A Slippery Slope

A Slippery Slope

Sorry about the lack of updates, but it has taken me some time to be sure about any racing plans.  Thanks for checking in! Over the last few months following the loss of my brother, Mike; his wife, Jill; and their children, Makayla and Bryce, I have spent many hours wondering if I would ever return to Ironman racing and training. In the intial days and weeks -- even the first few months -- I was pretty sure that my season was over.  And maybe my career.  I knew my 2010 season plan for Oceanside 70.3, Ironman St. George -- along with a hopeful return to Hawaii -- was out.  Gone.  In the immediate aftermath of the accident, I was ready to throw in the towel on many fronts, and triathalon was one of them. Life had smacked our family right in the face.  It flattened me.  I lost my best friends, two of my biggest supporters, their children, my god child, Makayla, a piece of my heart.  It created a giant hole in my life and made for a very uncertain future.  In the wake of it all, I was broken, deeply depressed, angry and had no idea how I could ever live with this; the weight of it all was unbearable.  At this point, it has been 6 months since the accident, the anger, pain, sorrow and sadness have not magically disappeared, but the fog has lifted -- some.  As Lance Armstrong said during his fight against cancer, "pain is only temporary, quitting lasts forever." In one of my most difficult weeks back in July, I knew I needed help, as I was in a very dark place. Maybe it had reached that point where I had no more answers.  All along I have faced this challenge alone, with the support of my best friends; but the darkness that had overcome me, those days of that week, was all too much.  It was at that point, although with uncertainty, I knew I had to start riding again. The only real options in life were limited.  As Lance's words rang in my ears -- give up or hold on to hope and believe that things would get better -- I listened. Ironman racing and training have been my life for the last 4-5 yrs and, at this point, it was possibly the only stable ground I could bring back to my life after a large part of it had been ripped away.

 So, in early July, I started to ride with some focus, wanting it to work out, at least well enough that I could possibly race at some point this year -- I hoped!  In the months following the accident I had gained over 15 lbs from drinking beer daily, poor eating, and lack of exercise. It was my plan to shed some weight by cycling, and then I would start running.  As most of you know, running with extra weight is bad and hard on the body.  It was also being out on the bike, on the open road, in the hills where I found the most comfort.  It was helping me mentally, emotionally and physically.

 As a pro triathlete, we are allowed to register for Ironman and Ironman 70.3 (Half-Ironmans) races at any time during the season. So, after my original season plan changed following the accident, I registered for several 70.3 races and a few Ironman races, uncertain if I would ever get to the starting line; but life was in turmoil, and I had no clue what was ahead.  I was making decisions and hoping for the best. After spending the weekend as a spectator at Ironman Lake Placid on July 26th, I made the decision that I would race at Timberman 70.3 on August 22nd, my brother Mike's 33rd birthday. Although I would not be in great shape for the race, I hoped that it would be a positive step forward, regardless of my finish time.  I started to log in some decent mileage on the bike, a little swimming and eventually some running, getting in just a couple of runs beyond 10 miles before Timberman with only a couple of weeks of 20 plus miles.  I figured my durability for the Half-Iron distance would be okay and was pretty certain I could complete the distance in the 4:20-4:30 range, knowing that just 2 months of training wasn't going to produce a PR performance.  But, it was time to pick up the pieces and at least try to move forward. I am sure -- Mike, Jill , Makayla and Bryce will be with me along the way, with Danny and the rest of my family along the side of the road, as we move step by step through the pain, suffering and sorrow of such an unimaginable loss.

So, my new season plan will be : Timberman 70.3 (Half-Iron) August 22nd, Syracuse 70.3 (Half-Iron) Sept.19, and most likely Miami 70.3 (Half-Iron) Oct.31st.

Thanks for checking in.